this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
