Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
