I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
