apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
