Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
