please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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