Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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