the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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