So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
