4 words: hood of his car
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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