I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize