I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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