Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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