she smelled like a LAN party
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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