I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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