You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
MIDGETS
????
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
