I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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