It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
