I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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