also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
