Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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