I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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