Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize