I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
