the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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