OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
