with your own penis?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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