Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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