And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
