It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We are all done wearing pants today
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