I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's the barista slut.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
