I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
