i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize