Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
