he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize