i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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