Im at strip club and am horny
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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