Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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