Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i think i just lost a toe
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
do nipples grow back?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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