Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
