Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
