Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize