Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
