Have you finally orgasmed yet?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
