I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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