you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
