I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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