Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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