im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
