they need to just BURY HIM!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
