New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
