I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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