Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
