If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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