thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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