It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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