you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
