My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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