I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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