She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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