The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
