So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
