I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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