U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
