When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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