Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
