Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
