i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
